What? I guess the joke's on me.

As we tried to put our lives back together we were living with Nana and Papa. We were very grateful to them for giving us the opportunity to get caught up on bills and allow Josh to go to school without having to worry much about taking care of his family. Our family seemed to be put on hold for the time being.

During this whole ordeal I had started to crumble. I starting drinking more. I was bitter and angry all the time. It was then that I started to talk to someone to help me get through this. Who knew it was only going to get harder?

As I sat at work one day I realized that I was a day late. I texted my friend joking about it and she encouraged me to take a test. I decided to humor her...thinking yeah right...I'm not pregnant. I laughed as I took the test. Little did I know the joke was on me. It was positive. What? How on earth? To this day I honestly don't know how this happened. The only thing I knew was it is what it is and there's nothing we can do about it. So, now what God?

I found this out the week before Spring break so that gave me about a week to figure some things out. The whole week I cried, agonized over what to do. I started meeting with my Stephen Minister about this time and she helped me figure it out as well as helped me step by step do what I needed to do. I couldn't tell my family I was pregnant...I didn't want to even acknowledge it at this point. This is the point in my life when I started living on my knees. Praying about what God was doing in my life and please, oh, please, help me to accept the things I cannot change. It was right about then that I heard the song 'Give Me a Revelation' by Third Day. I made this my prayer:

"My life has led me down the road that's so uncertain
And now, I am left alone and I am broken
Trying to find my way
Trying to find the faith that's gone

This time I know that you are holding all the answers
And I am tired of losing hope and taking chances
On roads that never seem
To be the ones that bring me home.

Give me a revelation
Show me what to do
'Cause I've been trying
To find my way
I haven't got a clue

Tell me should I stay here
Or do I need to move
Give me a revelation
I've got nothing without You
I've got nothing without You

My life has led me down this path that's ever winding
Through every twist and turn, I'm always finding
That I am lost again
Tell me when this road will ever end

Give me a revelation
Show me what to do
'Cause I've been trying
To find my way
I haven't got a clue

Tell me should I stay here
Or do I need to move
Give me a revelation
I've got nothing without You
I've got nothing without You

I don't know where I can turn
Tell me, when will I learn?
Won't you show me where I need to go?
Let me follow your lead
I know that its the only way that I can get back home

Give me a revelation
Show me what to do
'Cause I've been trying
To find my way
I haven't got a clue

Tell me should I stay here
Or do I need to move
Give me a revelation
I've got nothing without You
I've got nothing without You"